Normally I avoid people who have nothing but negative or depressing things to say. Now I’m one of those people. Everything seems to be going badly. Car troubles to troubles with the loaner car to bad times at work, which are all negatively impacting my relationship and home life. Currently standing in quicksand trying to stay still so things don’t get worse quicker than they already have. How could someone who only tries to do what is right by people experience so much negativity? How is it that in the midst of it all I can’t have anxiety or break down like so many others? My worse times prior to now were of a singular nature. Today it’s coming from every angle and I seriously don’t see dodging all of the blows locked in on me and my short-term future. I guess that’s the silver lining isn’t it? It’s my short-term future that’s at risk. It can only effect my long-term if I allow it. If I wallow then the negativity will engulf me like a black hole does anything in it’s vicinity. Being brave is easy to speak about. Acting as though all of these things aren’t happening seems like the right delusion to sell myself. What’s the quickest way to escape self pity? Lose myself in my work? Shit, I hate my work in so many ways and find it more difficult to find anything to be proud of in it. Just another peon in the machine. Expendable. No voice. The gear that finally wore down according to the expected service date. I could lose myself in my hobby. Won’t change anything I’ll experience when I click save though. I haven’t written on here in a very long time. I needed to vent though. Thanks for the opportunity to do so blogosphere. I don’t care if no one reads it. I only pray one day I’ll be able to look at this submission and delight in almost hitting bottom but defying the gravity this streak of misfortune has been pulling me down with. At the moment I don’t see a way out. Lord thank you for the blessing of life, health, family and friends. Though I may not say it often enough if at all, I love them all. I pray you watch over them and keep them safe from all of the pain I’m currently feeling. I pray you see them through their darkest times and allow there to be people around when they slam into their version of rock bottom. Lord, I don’t do anything drastic, but I really need your divine intervention right now. I know I’ll never understand your logic since I’m not smart enough to understand the logic of those who inhabit this Earth with me. I’m not worried about understanding though. Just allow me to survive so I can someday share my bad times with young minds who haven’t had the opportunity to do so themselves. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. Yet, I won’t let you down by not fighting to gain the happiness I once had with any and everything I saw, experienced and felt. This pit is deep enough to hear my echo though. *sigh* The journey of a thousand steps begins with one. Left foot, right foot…..